Dear Malia,

While you may be too young at this moment to comprehend the concepts laid out here, observations in my recent work and my joy in the direction of your budding little intellect make me feel it's important to put this down for your future reference and review.

By the time you're old enough to read this you will have heard me say many times that communication is the path to both our development as people and our evolution as souls.

More often than not, young people are never taught how to think about communication before they attempt to begin it. I hope in this brief letter to give you a map, a reference to the process.

The ideas I lay down here for you will apply to every intelligent creature you ever encounter, be it a bird, a dog, a horse or your parents.

The first thing to recognize about communication is that it always involves two parties. And you are always going to be one of them.

If you pay attention to anything you hear or anything you read, you are choosing to engage in communication. Otherwise, you're just hearing noise.

1. The first rule of effective communication is to identify the other side.

At first glance this sounds silly, but it can be a bit tricky sometimes.

Is the other side a he, a she, or a them? Often times people will show up on the other side of a communication surrounding themselves with a crowd – a them – for support, or encouragement. When really there's only one person you need to communicate with and the whole group will follow.

Do you really need to convince the whole room that ice cream would make a good lunch, or just your Mother?

   o-- Identify who you are listening to. That is who you need to reach.

2. Listen to what they're saying.

Are they trying to give you a message, or is the noise they're making an 'envelope' for the message?

Many times, especially while you're growing up, you'll find that people send messages or say things that just don't make any sense even when you understand the subject. That's because it really isn't the message they're sending. It's an envelope around the message and in most of these cases the real message is just “I want your attention.” or “I want to be heard.” Use your judgment wisely at this point.

Some people aren't ready to be heard. They haven't formulated a real message yet. They will drain your time and your energy.

Be kind. Direct them to those who can take the time to hear them and help them to formulate their message.

Others are very ready to communicate. But, for any number of reasons in their life experience they just don't feel safe putting their message out there uncovered.

Be kind. Listen to their message. In this way you can give a gift to another and may find that you alter the course of your life.

I met you when you were seconds old because I listened to your Mother several years before, when she suggested I not stick my fingers into a running circular saw.

Who could have known?

A moments listening has yielded lifelong friendships and unexpected bonding for many people.

   o-- Evaluate what you're hearing. Be willing to listen.

3. Check your position on the message.

Did the message make sense? Sometimes people don't send good messages. Sometimes they send messages that just don't fit with where you're standing on the topic.

It's wise to pause at this point and ask yourself if it's your position that needs adjustment. Look again at where you're standing.

Is it the only place for you to stand? Or will the message fit better if you turn a little bit in one direction or another. Or maybe take a step to one side or the other.

Staying firmly with one idea or opinion means staying put. To make progress we have move.

   o-- Be flexible in your thinking. Be willing to compromise.

4. Listen to Yourself.

valuate your own message in light of what you're heard from the other party.

Repeating a long list of what you don't like doesn't address communication. It's a cry to be heard. Say what you want to be heard.

“I don't want Chinese food! I don't want French food! I don't want Thai food!” is a diffuse, confusing message.

“I want pizza!” puts it out there. Direct, concise communication saves time, energy, and provides a point of focus for everyone else who wants pizza to gather around.

   o-- Be clear and concise in your message.

5. Rinse, Lather, Repeat. See step #2: Listen To What They're Saying.

Now that you've put your message out, listen to the reply.

It may change the entire direction of the communication in a positive manner or may take your idea a step forward and add something wonderful to your life that you've never even considered!

You: “Let's have pizza!”

Them: “Shall we go out dancing afterwards, or should we have it delivered and snuggle in front of the fire?” (Hint: Not until you're 21, or I'm dead. Whichever comes later.)

One of the most wonderful benefits of learning to communicate is that it makes you visible to others who know how to communicate.

They'll recognize you, and you'll recognize them.

It's a self-qualifying process. Before you know it you find your life filled with people who give and take freely of their thoughts and ideas calmly and without distress or upset.

You'll find refuge in your closest friends who think like you do, and challenges in the one you love who don't.

And those things, my Darling Dear, are among the many gifts available to us in this life that elevate us from mere survival to living.

Grow strong, be kind.

Uncle Bob

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As always, my thanks to those of you who have referred friends and family members to me for readings. It is your thoughtfulness that makes it possible for me to do this work.

My extra-special thanks to those of you who have given me such wonderful feedback and validation. It's only through your comments that I can know that my work is working for you.

I've added some very personal new testimonials from clients to my website. You may remember the woman who requested a copy of her CD after she threw it out, convinced that it what was said couldn't possibly come true. Read the kind letter she wrote after she listened to her Reading again, 18 months later: Testimonials

I've recently raised my rates for new clients for the first time in two years. If you have had a reading with me in the past the fee will remain the same as it was at your last reading.

If you have any questions about anything you read here, feel free to call or write. I love to hear from you.

Thank you again,

Robert

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Robert Hayes
415-651-4018
www.roberthayes.com
UK: (020) 7669 4317
Australia: (08) 6263 3211